When parents separate, it is crucial for both the mother and father to maintain a relationship with their children. However, in many cases, children end up siding with one parent over the other. Sometimes this is by the child’s choice, but often it occurs due to the influence of the favored parent.
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This phenomenon is not new but was formally recognized with the term “parental alienation syndrome” coined by psychiatrist Richard A. Gardner in the early 1980s. He defined it as a condition where a child unjustifiably rejects and vilifies one parent, often influenced by the other parent.
Parental alienation syndrome is not officially recognized as a mental health disorder by medical or legal authorities, but its occurrence in separations and divorces is undeniable. This behavior may stem from various motives, including:
- One parent wanting to erase the other parent from their life, using children as a means to achieve this.
- The custodial parent seeking financial advantages from the non-custodial parent, sometimes using children as leverage.
- Possessiveness or jealousy from one parent, wanting the children exclusively on their side.
- Belief by one parent that the other parent is unworthy of the children.
- Inability of one parent to compete for the children’s affections and retaliating by limiting their access to the other parent.
- Accusations or hostility from one parent towards the other, influencing the children’s perceptions negatively.
Regardless of the reasons, the alienating parent effectively turns the child against the other parent, often by restricting visits, minimizing contact, making disparaging remarks about the other parent, or even making false allegations. Whether overtly stated or subtly implied, the alienated child may feel compelled to choose sides to please the alienating parent or because they genuinely believe the negative portrayal of the other parent.
Parental alienation syndrome can vary in severity but consistently has profound effects on the child involved. The child becomes caught in the middle of a conflict between two significant figures in their life, straining relationships and potentially losing contact with one parent. Except in cases involving abuse, promoting healthy relationships with both parents is generally in the best interest of the child.
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